Warmed Over Everything
by Mini Nephthys
Summary: Zero and Hollow Ataraxia: How do you successfully hold a wedding between Alexander the Great and a British magus, in Japan?  With Gilgamesh not too keen on the wedding?  Zero Rider x Waver, Lancer x Zero Lancer.  Oneshot.


**Author's Note:** If it's good to be the king and the pen is mightier than the sword, then it's _really_ good to be the writer. In this case, it means you can make a story with no logical reasoning for who's alive and who isn't (Zero Caster, Zero Berserker, Zero Assassin, their Masters, Tokiomi, and Kotomine are dead, everyone else is alive!) and use inconsistent naming schemes (Rider refers to Zero Rider, Caster refers to Medea/regular Caster, the Lancers are addressed by their actual identities) without caring too much.

* * *

><p>"But really, what was your question?" Issei asked, turning his attention to Waver fully.<p>

"Exactly what I said," Waver answered, with gritted teeth. "Will you officiate at my wedding?"

"...To Rider." Issei raised an eyebrow. "You're serious?"

"Completely serious," Waver replied.

"Modern Japan doesn't let two men marry."

"I know."

"Ancient Greece didn't let two men marry."

"I _know_."

"What on Earth possessed you two to want a marriage?"

Waver sighed. "It was the news. He watches that channel all the time, and when someone started talking about it - he just turned to me and proposed."

"And you said yes." Issei smiled softly. "You know that I can't do anything with legal effect."

"Legally, Rider doesn't exist. I just need a ceremony." Waver smiled in return. "Thank you."

"Why me?" Issei had to ask. "I'm neither the most senior monk nor the head. I'm not Christian as you are, or what Rider is."

"You're the one least likely to laugh if you have to say 'Rider' or 'Alexander the Great' in the ceremony, and neither of us is that religious," Waver explained. "Rider's talked to you before, anyway."

"There is that. In that case, I'd be happy to officiate. Just... please warn me about the guest list beforehand, if Rider gets any say in it."

* * *

><p>"Honestly, I was scared out of my wits when I came back to Cu Roi, but those were the terms, and if I would rather have died than lived as a breaker of my word."<p>

"I would have expected nothing less of you."

"You both have invitations," Caren informed her Servants. Glancing at her guest, she amended, "All three of you."

Kogil looked over. "Oh, to what?" he asked idly.

"Rider and his Master's wedding," she told him. "The note adds that Rider would prefer that you attended as an adult."

Kogil's face lit up. "I definitely have to come to that! If he's getting married, I'll congratulate him first. And give advice."

"Your adult self's advice isn't any I'd listen to," Cu Chulainn groused. "I'll go and keep an eye on him."

"...Why do you have my invitation?" Diarmuid asked.

"They're not on speaking terms with your Master," Caren explained. "Sending it to us was a natural decision, since you spend so much time following after my Lancer."

Diarmuid flushed, but Cu Chilainn merely clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't let her get to you," the hound said with a grin. "It'll be better with you there."

A smile. "I would enjoy attending with you."

* * *

><p>"Saber, Rider invited you to his wedding," Shirou called out.<p>

Saber poked her head in the doorway. "Did he really?"

"It looks like it," he replied, reading the card. "Who's Waver Velvet?"

"That would be his Master," she explained.

"Oh, all right. He never calls him that." He paused. "Why am I not invited?"

"He barely knows you, compared to the people he met last war or this war's Lancer," she said, sighing. "I can defend myself if the need arises."

"That's not what I meant, but okay..."

* * *

><p>"This is going to kill me," Issei complained, rubbing his temples. "This is absolutely the worst way to begin marrying people."<p>

Caster patted him on the back. "It can't be so bad as you've made it sound."

"Saber, I trust to be well behaved. Diarmuid just as much so, and Velvet himself is polite and reasonable. Cu Chulainn can behave himself. The groom - Rider is certain to cause some kind of ruckus, and he invited Gilgamesh." He groaned. "I'm dead. Someone will kill me for not being worthy to marry a king to his Master."

"Gilgamesh wouldn't ruin the wedding of someone he respects," she reassured him.

He looked at her flatly.

"...most likely."

Issei sighed. "Well, there's nothing that can be done about that. I agreed to marry them to each other, and I can only attempt to do it as well as possible, so... I'm going to go over the process with them and make sure that Rider doesn't think that either of them are wearing a dress."

* * *

><p>"Please don't ride a chariot to the temple, or anywhere. ... A feast beforehand is all right, and I'll attend if you want. ... Garlands are fine, but Velvet will expect both of you to be in suits. ... There will be absolutely <em>no<em> singing outside the bedroom, and it isn't as if you haven't consummated _already_. E-eh, Velvet? Err, how do I know that, that's a good question... um..."

* * *

><p>Waver and Rider's house was not the best place to have a feast, but they would probably be kicked out of any restaurant, so their house it was.<p>

"Rider. If you ever make the 'I hardly know her' joke again, I will divorce you," Waver grumbled. It was impossible to tell if he was being serious.

"I think that he's been remarkably well-behaved," Issei commented. "Aside from a few cultural differences, the wedding preparation has gone smoothly. There are a reasonable number of people in attendance..."

Rider snorted, and Waver let out a sigh. "He wanted to invite everyone in the city." At Issei's questioning look, Waver continued, "Not everyone he knows. Everyone in the city."

"Why not?" Gilgamesh scoffed. "The wedding of a king should be a glorious, celebrated event that is known throughout the country. The feast should be held in a banquet hall and not a one-bedroom house, with the most talented musicians to be found in sixty miles. This is a farce-"

"Is there a problem, Archer?" Rider asked idly, having just finished a plate. "I couldn't say that there was any better choice."

Gilgamesh raised an eyebrow, but Saber interrupted him. "Why were you called, Lancer? ...Cu Chulainn."

Cu Chulainn shrugged. "Must have been my natural charming personality."

"Something like that," Waver agreed. "I'll tell you later."

* * *

><p>As the guests filed in slowly, Waver breathed deeply into his bouquet.<p>

"There's no reason to be nervous-" Issei started, but stopped when Rider pulled Waver closer to him.

While Waver blushed, Rider murmured words of encouragement. "Haven't you ridden beside me in the most pitched battle, against the fiercest foe, as my companion? Then, is there anything to fear from only a wedding?"

After another moment of deep breathing, Waver answered. "There's nothing to fear."

"Good."

Issei hid his smile behind the book he was going to read from. When the last guest - Gilgamesh, naturally - took his seat, he began. "Dear friends, we are gathered here in the sight of the heavens, and in the presence of these witnesses, to join together Rider and Waver Velvet in holy matrimony..."

* * *

><p>"...I pronounce you wed. You may-"<p>

Rider swept Waver into a deep kiss, ignoring his muffled squeak.

"-kiss." Issei stepped out from where he was leading the service, muttering, "Hmm, I wonder how quickly I can set up the reception..."

It was a simple reception, so it didn't take long to put together. When Waver and Rider walked in the room, Waver was still carrying his bouquet - he paused for a moment, glancing at Cu Chulainn, then handed it to Diarmuid.

Diarmuid blinked. "Thank you?"

"That was a very mangled tradition that means that you'll be the next one to marry," Issei explained, still setting up the last pieces. "...Really, Velvet, you could have put some chance in it."

Startled, Diarmuid began, "Do I have to-"

"It's only a tradition and you're certainly not expected to propose this second, but." A grin. "Since I seem to be the person on call for marrying Heroic Spirits, you know where to find me."

On mutual agreement, Waver cut the first slice of cake, while Rider followed an older tradition and cut a loaf of bread for them to share. (With his sword, typically enough.) Cake was eaten, music was played, dances were had; after the traditional first dance just for the newlyweds, Gilgamesh pulled Saber onto the floor while ignoring her protests and a flustered Diarmuid managed half of an invitation before Cu Chulainn led him into a dance himself.

"How we managed to fit this in any part of the temple, I don't know. I should ask Einzbern if we can use her castle next time, even if that requires... well, speaking to Einzbern," Issei commented to himself. "Hm, I don't think I've ever seen Velvet smile this much; it was worth risking Gilgamesh's ire for that."

After that dance, Gilgamesh returned to his seat. Quietly, he withdrew a piece of paper from his suit and examined it.

_Older me._

_Our memory is pretty good, and we can definitely remember what was in our legend. We went to a lot of weddings, and even if none of them stick out now, we can still remember the difference between the ones where the bride and groom loved each other and the ones where they didn't._

_I know you're not going to be happy about Rider and his Master, but please just wait until you get through the wedding. If they aren't really in love, then you can threaten Waver allll you want. (Try not to actually attack him while you're still in the temple!) But if they really do love each other, then just be happy for them._

_Thanks!_

_You_

Gilgamesh reread the note once, then put it away. He watched the wedding couple for a minute: Rider, laughing and pulling Waver into a embrace; Waver, bright-eyed and not resisting that embrace in the slightest.

He lifted his glass and cleared his throat to get the other guests' attention. "A toast."


End file.
